she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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