Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
