No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
