Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
