OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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