To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
