i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
