Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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