On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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