This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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