In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
