I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
