I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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