Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
