She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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