The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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