No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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