i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm passing your future prison.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
