Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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