So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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