pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
