I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Come on in and take your pants off
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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