I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize