i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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