the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
