whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
