we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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