Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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