suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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