Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
