your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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