Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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