Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
