i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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