So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
