he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
