My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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