i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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