i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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