Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
