nut hugger
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
