the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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