It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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