I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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