ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
