Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
