just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
