if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
