nut hugger
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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