I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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