just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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