Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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