My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
