Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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