oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
