We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
