I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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