i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
