i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
