Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
