No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
