oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
