I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
