Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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