Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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