"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
