Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
