Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Me too!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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