I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i already hear my dad disowning me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
