she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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