Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
