i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
