I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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