You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
