So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
