I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have post one night stand depression
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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