I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize