she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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