She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
