How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
