the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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