Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
