if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
