oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize