the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
