So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize