Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
