You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
