There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
