Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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