very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
